22.01.2012 | 過年新衫

[Volume 7 Issue 1, #1301]

除夕喇今日, 相信大家都已經買齊晒新衫過年啦.. 哈哈, 唔好誤會呢堆係我啲新衫, 只係我現時衣櫃一部份啫.. 其實呢, 我都冇(可能仲未)買到新衫, 唔係我冇去shopping, 而係每次好興奮睇啱啲衫, 好開心去試咗之後, 都要好失望地放棄.. 係肥到哩, 著親咩都唔順眼, 連自己都接受唔到!! 唉, 真係兜頭淋盆冷水落嚟咁, 掃興~~ :(

it's CNY eve and i guess you've already got all your new clothes?? haha, don't mistaken those as my new clothes, they are just part of my existing wardrobe.. anyway, didn't (or maybe haven't) get myself any new clothes, not that i didn't go shopping but just that when i happily spotted nice clothes, excitedly put them on and i have to however disappointingly give up.. i'm just too fat and flabby to look good on anything!! haiz, it's like pouring cold water onto the burning fire, potong stim~~ :(

21.01.2012 | 回鄉過年

[Volume 7 Issue 1, #1300]

感覺唔到農曆新年嘅來臨, 我覺得其中最大可能係因為我冇鄉下返.. 喺呢個城市土生土長, 眼見身邊啲朋友都頻頻撲撲返鄉下過年, 應該就係爭呢一個心急回家嘅感覺.. 雖然話好頻撲, 不過我都幾羨慕過時過節返鄉下嗰一種好特殊好過癮嘅情懷㗎, 呵呵~~ :)

i think one of the reason why i don't really feel CNY coming is because i don't have a hometown to go back.. born and brought up in this same city, i see friends around busy packing to go back to their hometown for CNY, i think the "shiokness" and anticipation of heading home could be what's lacking.. though may be very tiring, i actually quite envy about that special feeling of going back hometown for major festive, haha~~ :)

02.01.2012 | 有時簡單

[Volume 7 Issue 1, #1281]

一輪聖誕加新年大餐食濟之後, 其實都會好想簡簡單單就咁叮個麵平衡下.. 多謝多年老友每次由倫敦返嚟都記得帶呢個香腸俾我~~ :)

after rounds of xmas and new year feasts, i find it sensible to just have some to balance up.. thanks my dear old friend who never fails to bring me this sausage everytime she comes back from london~~ :)

30.06.2011 | 時不留人

[#1219] 娘爆嘅標題, 不過確係好真.. 六月嘅結束代表著我呢一個學期嘅完畢, 話都冇咁快, 原來不經不覺上咗三個月課程.. 上兩三個星期係忙碌巔峰期, 因為要趕起兩份paper, 每日都好自律咁由早到黑(係凌晨嗰種黑)對住部電腦寫paper.. 終於, 上個星期五截止前成功交咗喇!! 姑且勿論做得好唔好, 會唔會攞到好成績, 因為真係身心疲累到唔想再去諗喇, 旦求可以趴士就開心喇.. 兩份paper交上後嗰一刻, 成個人都鬆晒, 而且仲有啲唔習慣煞時間空閑起嚟添, 哈哈!! 啱啱收到下學期時間表, 休息一個星期後, 又要開始拼搏作戰喇.. 努力, 加油!!

[#1219] a very old-fashioned title but truly the fact.. the end of june marks the end of my academic term, time flies so swiftly before i realised it's already three months since i started the course.. the previous two to three weeks were my peak busy period, as i need to rush for the submission of two papers, everyday i was so disciplined at facing my laptop and working on my assignments from morning till late night (as late as the wee hours).. finally on last friday i successfully submitted both papers before the deadline!! not going to talk about how i've done and what i'm gonna get, because i'm already both mentally and physically tired that i don't even want to think about them anymore, as long as i can pass that would be good news already.. the moment after the submission, i felt a sudden relief, and kind of not used to being so free up suddenly, haha!! just got the timetable for the next term, after a one-week break and it'll all go back to the fight.. all the best!!

19.03.2010 | 忽然一周

呢一個星期嚟, 我嘅工作就只有以下呢個字可形容.. this is what i can tell about work during the past whole week..

離開辦公室嘅嗰一刻, 由窗口望到外邊嘅街景.. this is the street i can see by the time i leave work for home..

返到屋企業, 一身疲憊同一腦子如下圖紊亂嘅思緒.. this is how messy my mind have been after back home from a tiring day..

期待嘅係一個可以讓(已經生晒銹嘅)自己呼吸一口新鮮空氣嘅機會.. this is what i am looking forward to: breather for some fresh air, to keep (the already rusty) me going..

.. 當然仲有一個可以充電嘅週末.. 祝大家週末愉快!! .. and of course a weekend to recharge.. HAPPY WEEKEND everyone!!

******************* all images from animated on-stage visuals @ Sandy Lam HK Live'07 by John Wong

01.12.2009 | 捨不得說

成個幾星期冇寫blog喇, 大家可以放心, 我尚健在.. 上星期屋企確實係發生咗一啲事, 但係我唔會刻意喺度詳敘, 有啲嘢始終係輕描淡寫比較恰當, 有一種思念擺喺心底係最好嘅.. 多謝關心同慰問我嘅朋友, 現時我腦海中正在浮現呢一首歌, 心情卻係平靜嘅.. :)

have not been updating my blog for more than a week, no worries everyone, i'm still in a piece here.. yes, something has happened to my family over the week, but i think i'm not gonna write in details about that incident, afterall there are things that should be better kept simple, there are times you best keep things in your heart.. thanks for everyone who have sent me their warm regards, i now have this (mandarin) song playing in my mind, but i am really staying calm and fine here.. :)

林憶蓮《捨不得說再見》... 還來不及說再見淚已搶先 把傷感加在牽強的笑臉 從此妳離我好遠 我捨不得眨眼 說再見 ...

Sandy Lam "Reluctant to bid Goodbye" ... my tears flow before i can say goodbye .. it's sadness on my farfetched smiling face .. you're now far away from me .. i'm reluctant to even blink .. and then say goodbye ...

15.10.2009 | 接踵而來

我發現噚日我原來[1]冇上廁所便便, [2]冇食晏, [3]冇寫blog.. 好, [2]同[3]唔講喇, 至少[1]係我每日都會定時做嘅一件事, 不過就係突然間全部嘢一齊湧埋嚟, 搞到真係冇晒時間.. 我最討厭就係呢種情況, 一浪接一浪咁, 其實係一種無形壓力.. 就好似平時鬧鐘snooze三次我都唔捨得起身, 但係最近點都再瞓唔返落去喇, 一起身就自自然然會擔心呢樣擔心嗰樣..

我唔鐘意, 我真係唔鐘意.. 不過我又可以點?? 我(只)可以借助呢個blog抒發而家嘅心情..
i realised that yesterday i actually [1] didn't go poo-poo, [2] didn't have lunch, [3] didn't update my blog.. ok, let's not talk about [2] and [3], but at least [1] is something i will do about the same time everyday, but everything just seemed to come in all at the same time, till i really couldn't find time.. i hate this kind of situation, one after another, it's really a pressure actually.. just like i used to still laze on the bed unwilling to get up after three snoozes from the alarm, but recently once i woke up, i just couldn't get back to sleep but instead i will instinctively go worry about this and that..

i don't like this, i really don't like this.. but what can i do?? i can (only) take this opportunity to express my feelings through this blog..

26.08.2009 | 藍天白雲

好耐都唔見藍天白雲同埋艷陽高掛喇.. 上兩個月每一日都係煙霾籠罩, 個天時時刻刻都係灰矇矇, 搞到個心情都好似跟住moody咁.. 週末開始呢幾日, 天空突然一片晴朗.. 我鐘意見到太陽, 鐘意見到藍藍的天空, 感覺朝氣蓬勃, 個人都開朗啲..

好似夜空觀星一樣, 我會鐘意睇雲, 由雲嘅形狀聯想其他物體.. 的確係幾好玩嘅想象力游戲, 但係而家已經好耐都冇做過咁嘅事喇.. 係心態, 係成長, 係好多因素, 你認為呢??
it's the long lost fine day with bright sun, blue sky and white clouds.. for the past two months, it has been hazy all the time, and somehow made us feel moody as well.. but starting last weekend, the weather has a total change, it's clear weather for these few days.. i like seeing the sun and seeing the blue sky, they make me feel more vibrant and happy..

like watching stars at night, i like to look at clouds, and from the different shapes of the clouds i will link them to some other objects.. it's kind of interesting imagination games, but i have not done that for a long time now.. perhaps it's mentality, it's growing up, it's lots of factors, what would you think??

05.08.2009 | 高不勝寒

攀高望遠, 睇到嘅嘢會多啲, 好嘅唔好嘅都盡入眼帘.. 同樣地, 自然更容易成為焦點, 或者係擊中點.. 要學識點樣去前進, 要學識點樣去避免.. 高處風狂雨大, 可以依靠嘅不及低處多, 自然嘅會顯得脆弱, 要站得住腳, 就要睇根基有幾穩, 睇你有幾多支柱.. 登得更高, 向上嘅斜度會更陡峭, 進退兩難, 一朝跌落嚟會受到更嚴重嘅傷害, 所以舉步為營..

when you climb higher you see further, and of course you are able to see more things, everything good and bad at a glance.. but never forget at the same time, you get more easily spotted, focused or striked.. it's about learning how to advanced, learning how to avoid and back-off.. most of the time rain is heavier and wind is stronger at higher ground, more exposed than lower land, you hence appear to be more vulnerable.. in order to stay strong, it really depend how steady your base is, and how much support you are able to get.. the higher you set, the more slanted the way climbing up, you are stuck between going up and going down, falling off from higher point cause more deadly injuries, that is why you take every precaution..蘇軾《水調歌頭》裡有句「高處不勝寒」, 字面上講嘅係孤單造成嘅無助, 其實我覺得不寒而慄呢種感覺來得更加具體, 更加真實, 更加可怕..

the ancient chinese poet Su-Shi (not sushi, but pronounced Soo-Tsih) had this in his famous poem of all time - "one can't fight the chill at higher ground".. literally the chill caused by being alone and helpless, but i would also say the chill caused by fears is actually more substantial, more real, more frightful..

25.03.2009 | 慘絕人寰

每朝返工硬係覺得條褲子窄窄地, 啲衫又好似越嚟越貼身, 塊鏡就嚟照唔晒我成個面喇.. 多兩個星期就放長假去玩喇, 真係唔想處處留底呢個【肥】倩影囉~~

因為某些原因公司幾位同事要離開, 其中有同我幾close嘅, 好唔開心.. 祝福佢哋, 希望佢哋一帆風順, 前途似錦.. :)

最近屋企上唔到網, 同網絡公司溝通過之後, 懷疑應該係自己啲硬件有問題, 但係又遲遲未有時間去處理.. 所以喺屋企已經整個星期冇得上網, 確實係百般無聊兼些少唔方便, 總之係閉翳啦!!
wake up every morning, feel like my pants is tighter, my shirts are getting more hugging, my face mirror slowly has no space for my whole face.. it's another two weeks for my long vacation, i really don't wish to snap myself 【FAT】in the photos~~

because of some reasons a few colleagues have to leave the company, amongst are some who are close to myself, quite upset on this.. anyway, my best wishes to them, hope they will have a brighter future.. :)

having internet connection problem at home, have liaised with the provider and suspect it could most probably be my own hardware problem, but still cannot find time to settle things.. hence i have not been able to surf net for almost a week at home, it's like so inconvenient and so boring, it's just so D*MN!!

16.02.2009 | 藍色週一

上兩個星期連續兩個長週末之後, 今日又返去星期一返工喇.. 今朝真係好唔想返工, 其實噚晚就已經開始有呢種感覺囉.. 硬係認住認住有好多嘢要跟, 好似有幾千斤重量壓喺我一對單薄嘅肩膊上咁..

其實有好多事情我係唔想做, 但係而家呢個事勢之下又被迫要做喎.. 我都係要搵兩餐溫飽架, 真係人在江湖身不由己.. 同自己講工作還工作, 不過有時候個情況並唔係想像中咁理想咁簡單囉.. 有時真係好想唔駛做, 可以un un腳嘆世界, 不如搵個有錢人包起我算喇, 呵呵~~after two consecutive long weekends for the past two weeks, it's back to monday to kick-off the week again.. really not feeling like going to work this morning, precisely the feeling has already started last night actually.. kind of feel like there are loads of things to follow up, like tons and tons of weights being pressed onto my pair of weak shoulders..

actually there are a lot of things i don't feel like doing, but under the current circumstances i just gotta do them.. anyway i still need a job to sustain myself, this is what the Chinese said as "when you are put into the situation, you just gotta do it no matter how".. i always try to tell myself work is work, but most of the time things are not as ideal and as simple as we though.. sometimes i really dream of having no need to work, just shake my legs and enjoy life, perhaps i can just go get somebody rich to take care of me?? hahaha :p

01.02.2009 | 海闊天空

當大家正在猜測我噚日一輪「人在做, 天在看」嘅發表之時, 可以話畀大家知, 當時我都係有感而發啫, 事情未去到最壞嘅結局.. 除非真係離譜到冇彎可轉, 好多時我都會選擇息事寧人.. 忍一時風平浪靜, 退一步海闊天空, 以後要相處要嘅日子仲有好長, 我選擇將呢件事忘記, 就當係畀次機會自己又好, 畀次機會對方又好..

發泄之後啖氣消咗, 見整件事情如果無傷大雅, 就當對方真係隱瞞成功囉(不過係我成全), 我都冇眼屎乾淨盲.. 為咗以後維持良好關係, 我可以用我超高EQ看待呢件事, 我係要顧全大局, 我仲有前路要行, 實在不必要因為呢件事而費心.. :)while everyone is still guessing what actually happened to me after reading my "when you are doing, heaven is watching" post yesterday, i can tell everyone that i was just expressing myself, things have not gone to the worst situation.. most of the time, unless things had gone to a dead end, i would rather choose to pacify things and people.. like the chinese say, hold back and you can be calm, step back and you are relief of the burden, you see the clear sky out of it.. there is still a long way to go, i would choose to forget (might not be forgive anyway), make it a chance for myself, or even for the other party..

after expressing myself and cooling down, if things are not that bad, i could actually see that as white lies (but of course, thank me for that), just no point to drill into the issue anymore.. for the sake of future relationship, i can use my highest EQ to treat the story, i am not a petty person, i still have a long bright future, it is just not worth being shattered by this incident, yeah?? :)

31.01.2009 | 除非莫為

我想要講嘅係, 若要人不知, 除非己莫為.. 唔好以為人哋見唔到就可以作個估仔嚟到瞞天過海, 實不知人哋一早已經識穿謊言, 唔出聲並唔代表仍然蒙在鼓裡, 其實係唔想將事情搞大, 令到關係惡劣啫.. 有咩事需要隱瞞啊, 咁樣做只會加深人哋嘅誤會, 越係往壞嗰方面去諗咋喎, 好唔健康好過份囉.. 唔好話係咩善意嘅謊言, 呢個回應好行囉.. 其實整見事睇落真係有啲好曖昧嘅事情正在發生, 所以要刻意隱瞞.. 咁樣做係叫做講大話, 叫做出賣, 叫做欺騙..

我至憎人講大話呃我!!「人在做, 天在看」-- 荷媽, 《家好月圓》what i wanted to say is, if you do not want people to know what you have done, then do not do that at first.. do not assume that things are covered up with the beautiful story you have created, just because you think people did not see what was happening, never expected that the lie have actually been uncovered.. keeping the silence does not mean people is still unaware, the fact is actually that people do not wish to blow things up and worsen the relationship at last.. what is there to hide and to lie about?? such a deed shall only add on to the misunderstandings, and make people think more about the vices, really unhealthy and too much of doing so.. do not say that it is some kind of white lies or for the good sake, that is just some general response.. afterall when the whole thing is seen clearly inside out, something fishy has just been happening, and therefore that intentional hide.. don't you think this kind of act is just equal to telling lies, betraying and cheating??

i hate liars!! "when you are doing, heaven is watching" -- Ho Mah, The Moonlight Resonance

24.01.2009 | 水靜河飛

農曆年回鄉過節係好多人嘅指定動作, 眼見同事朋友們個個都喺度高談闊論話返鄉下過年, 每次我都只係有聽嘅份.. 可能有個鄉下返吓, 會容易感受到農曆年嘅來臨, 不過我一年365日都係喺我呢個所謂嘅「鄉下」生活, 真係冇甚麼分別..

啲人走晒返鄉下, 所以週圍都顯得水靜河飛, 每年也如是.. 加上父母兩者都係排行最大嘅長輩, 我哋都係等叔舅姨姑上門拜訪, 所以就連去親戚屋企拜年嘅機會都少之又少.. 每年就係死蛇爛鱔咁hae喺屋企冇乜嘢做, 所以有時都會覺得新年好悶架..

仲有兩日咋, 我仲未feel到新年囉其實~~
it is a tradition for people to go back to their respective hometown to celebrate CNY, i see friends and colleagues happily talking about going back hometown for CNY celebration, but everytime i can only listen.. maybe because of the "hometown" thingy that people can feel CNY coming, but for me, since i am living in this so-called "hometown" each and everyday, i really don't find a wee difference..

people left for their hometowns, hence everywhere seem to be very quiet and empty, this is what happened during CNY every year.. both my parents are the eldest amongst their siblings, all aunts and uncles are supposed to come over to pay visit, thus it is just so rare that we have chances for relative house hopping.. and so being the same for every year, i really have not much to do at home during CNY other than eat/sleep/tv.. that is why i do sometimes think that CNY is quite a boring festive..

just two more days to CNY, but i still could not feel it~~

14.01.2009 | 一日之間

一日之間睇清楚一個人, 日久見人心, 人前人後不同人..

一日之間睇清楚一個人, 拐彎抹角, 講一套做一套..

一日之間睇清楚一個人, 撩事鬥非, 推卸責任, 欺善怕惡, 奉上踩下..

一日之間睇清楚一個人, 強勢壓迫, 不明究竟, 不通情不達理..

醒覺危機四伏, 必需行事謹慎, 為自己披上甲衣..in just a day, learnt that a person is actually behaving differently in front of different people, the more you deal with the more you find problems with..

in just a day, learnt that a person is actually beating around the bush, say one thing but did something else different..

in just a day, learnt that a person is actually creating hoax, pushing away responsibility and accountability, flattering the stronger but belittling the weaker..

in just a day, learnt that a person is actually pushing with supreme power, not understanding, not reasonable and not empathetic..

realised that threats are everywhere, must be well-prepared with an amour stay vigilant..

01.01.2009 | 喜迎零玖

告別08年之後, 今日喜迎09年嘅第一日, 冇咩特別嘅感覺.. 同平時週末一樣, 喺屋企hae咗成大半日, 之後就同朋友去整番個盲人按摩, 舒筋活絡之後, 整番餐碳炒福建麵晚餐, 就咁一日喇.. 平淡到我覺得是乎嘥咗個所謂嘅元旦日, 其實呢一日係唔係應該轟轟烈烈咁過嘅呢我喺度諗??

新年新蒸頭, 大多數人都會循例地為自己定下新年目標, 係好事嚟嘅, 之不過定下咁多目標, 明年今日再次回顧, 其實又有幾多係實現得到呢?? 我以往都會有呢啲所謂嘅new year resolution, 不過事到如今好似仲有成籮攝喺床底, 係唔係應該摷返出嚟重複多一次呢??

點都好, 我腦內依然係有新年願望嘅, 希望呢次能夠得米啦!! 勾個手指尾, 放長雙眼~~ 但願大家都能夠願望成真啦.. :)
soon after bidding farewell to 2008, we are welcoming the first day of year 2009 today, nothing special or exciting that happened to me actually.. as normal as an usual weekend, laze around the house for almost half of a day, only dragged out to have a good massage by the blind, get myself totally relaxed and wrapped up the day with delicious charcoal cooked hokkien mee for dinner.. so uneventful till i kind of think that this new year day has been wasted, wonder if this special day should actually be utilised more meaningfully??

new year new hope, customarily most of the people will set their own new year resolutions, i would say this is something good.. however having set all those resolutions, and reviewing the year by today next year, how many of those that could actually been fulfilled?? i always have my new year resolutions for the past years, but i think all have been kept deep inside the drawer, wonder if i should dig them out and REPEAT yet another time??

anyway, i still have something in mind for my new year, hopefully they can be fulfilled then!! finger cross, wait and see~~ hope all your new year resolutions to come true too.. :)

31.12.2008 | 告別零捌

2008年第366日, 再過幾個時辰之後, 就要嚟個送舊迎新, 同2008講聲拜拜, 然之後同2009講聲哈囉喇..

呢個時候嘅你, 係擁擠於人群之中狂歡倒數, 定係安坐於家中靜待新年來臨?? 我唔鐘意一殺那狂歡之後, 突然間需要調適情緒嗰種失落感, 所以寧願選擇平平淡淡咁度過.. 見人見智囉, 你有你瘋狂, 我有我恬然, 哈哈!!

呢一年來, 所有喜怒哀樂, 一切得失起落, 都要於呢一刻嚟個終結.. 我覺得都無需要去在乎過去喇, 能夠健全活著每一日其實已經係生命中一大樂事.. 總括嚟講, 呢一年我過得算係開心充實, 但願新嘅一年, 一切都會更美好, 凡事都會更順心..

祝大家2009新年快樂!! :)
it's the 366th day of year 2008, few more hours later, we are going to send off year 2008 and welcome year 2009..

what are you doing at this moment?? tightly packed in the crowd for new year countdown, or staying at home waiting for the new year to come peacefully?? i personally do not like that abrupt feeling of cooling off after a surge of mere excitement, that is why i always choose to pass my time in a rather quiet way.. anyway, it's just persoanl preference, of course while i am enjoying my serenity, you enjoy your fun out there, haha!!

for the whole year 2008, all the ups and downs, gain and loss, happiness and sadness, they should all come to end an at this point.. let bygones be bygones, i think it make no sense to review and to care about what has already happened.. more importantly is to appreciate being able to stay alive for each day of the year, that's the greatest thing in life.. in short, it's considered a happy and meaningful year 2008 for me, so let's look forward to a better, happier and smoother new year..

wishing everyone a great new year 2009!! :)

04.11.2008 | 換個角度

承蒙各位朋友嘅關心, 可能我之前篇嘢寫得太過灰, 搞到有個朋友用「唔係感性, 係嚴重」嚟形容我嘅心情, 幾乎擔心死佢.. 不過其實可以心平氣和咁坐喺度寫嘢, 只係一種(自己選擇嘅)抒發思緒嘅方式, 我很好亦都很理智, 唔駛擔心有咩不祥事件即將發生於我身上{-_-}".. 困擾咗大家, 唔好意思..

唔少朋友睇過我嘅blog之後, 都畀咗好多好誠懇好寶貴嘅意見我, 雖然佢哋可能唔知發生咩事, 不過感覺真係放錢入我袋, 好感激好感動.. 亦都因為咁樣, 我嘗試換個角度去睇件事, 忽然間靈光一閃, 好似睇透咗好多嘢咁.. 頭上烏雲算係逐漸散開, 眼前雖然未見到雨過天晴, 不過至少唔再係狂風暴雨.. 凡是有正負兩面, 事情可能未必如你想像中咁壞, 凡事唔好太過執著, 一切順其自然嘅話, 內心會舒服好多..

期待雨後彩虹與陽光嘅來臨..millions of thanks to friends out there that showed concern, perhaps it was too depressed the way i wrote my previous entries, causing one good old friend described me as "not emotional, but serious" and that really made her worry.. anyway, i was sitting down calmly and peacefully writting the entries, it's just a channel (that i have chosen myself) for me to express my feelings, i am fine and very rational, nothing disastrous that is going to happen on me {-_-}".. if i've bothered anyone of you, really feel bad for that..

quite a number of friends read my blog and gave me very sincere and very precious pieces of advice.. they might not know exactly what has happened to me, but frankly i must admit they are indeed very witty and enlightening advices, i'm absolutely grateful to that.. and because of that, i start to see things in a different angle, from a different perspective.. and out of a sudden, i was like enlightened and things seems a lot more optimistic than i thought.. dark clouds over me are starting to clear, although i still have not see the sunshine coming, at least it's not storm anymore.. there are always the negative and positive sides of a thing, it actually might not be as bad as you thought, so just take things easy and not to think too much.. let the nature takes it course, and by this you should feel better instead..

hoping to see rainbow and sunshine after the storm..

03.11.2008 | 無魂游蕩

已經過咗幾日, 但係嗰件事依然困擾住我.. 噚日去完gym之後, 忽然間(好撞鬼咁樣)又再諗起件事, 結果一個人喺個商場入邊, 漫無目的咁游蕩數小時之久.. 由底層逐層逐層行到頂層, 跟住再逐層逐層行返落底層, 對眼係望住前方, 但卻係心不在焉.. 如果你見到我但發現我見唔到你嘅話, 唔好意思, 我當時真係神遊緊.. :)

一個人游蕩商場嘅時候, 成個人好似行屍走肉咁毫無靈魂一直向前行, 不過個腦就猛咁喺度諗嘢.. 諗吓究竟係咩原因導致事情發生, 諗吓可以有啲咩作為能夠擺平件事, 諗吓完美收場以後會唔會再重蹈覆轍, 諗吓敗局收場要點樣處理, 諗吓要當冇事發生定係要勇敢面對, 好多好多嘢諗.. 而家事情就係模菱兩可, 完全處於灰色地帶, 冇一個明確嘅現象可見, 覺得好冇安全感好困惑.. 我係對個結果有個期望吖, 定係我喺度呃緊自己呢?? 看似這麼近, 事實卻是那麼遠..it has been few days, but yet that incident is still haunting me.. after the gym session yesterday, suddenly it came to me like an uncanny surge, and so ended up wandering aimlessly in the mall for hours.. walked floor by floor from the lower ground floor to the top floor, and then back to the lower ground floor again, my eyes were looking forward but i can tell my heart was not.. oh, if you bumped into me and found out that i didn't notice you, sorry, i was really keeping to myself then.. :)

was wandering alone in the mall, exactly like a zombie without soul that just know how to walk forward, but spinning mind kept thinking about many many things.. thought about the cause of the problem, thought about what good i can do to my best ability to resolve the issue, thought about good ending but will the problem surface again in the future, thought about bad ending and how can i cope with the fact, thought about to treat nothing has happened or to bravely face it, many many things that i was thinking about.. but still everything is so vague, it just lies inside the grey area and there is no clear sight at all.. am feeling so confused and insecure now, am i finger-crossing for the best or am i just deceiving myself?? seems so close, but actually so far away..

30.10.2008 | 輾轉難眠

呢兩晚真係好痛苦, 成晚喺張床上邊輾轉難眠.. 天氣勁熱係一個因素, 工作上有點壓力係一個因素, 噚日下晝發生咗令我愕然非常嘅一件(私)事係一個因素.. 個身體其實已經好攰, 但係個腦就不停咁喺度諗嘢, 就算合埋眼叫自己唔好再諗嘢快快瞓覺, 但係個腦依然唔聽話, 搞到個心都翳住翳住.. 就係咁, 由不得自己作主, 成晚就係咁樣..

而家仲為咗噚日件事煩惱, 好想快快有個結果.. 咁當然希望係開心收場啦, 不過如果大吉利是壞收場嘅話, 希望我都可以好快渡過之後嘅低潮期.. 各位關心我嘅朋友, 麻煩畀啲私人空間我, 唔好問我究竟發生咩時, 我係心平氣和咁可以坐喺度寫嘢, 所以大家毋須擔心, 我冇事亦都好冷靜, 多謝晒~~ :)was quite suffering these two nights, could not sleep well and rolling on the bed from left to right and from right to left for the whole night.. hot weather was an issue, a little work pressure was an issue, something (personal) happened yesterday evening that shocked me by sudden was an issue.. my body was tired, and yet my mind kept thinking about things.. have told myself not to think anymore and just go to sleep, but still i was thinking and hence a little heart-ache.. just like that, unable to control myself, whole night sleepless it became..

still being haunted by what happened yesterday, hope to have an outcome soon.. of course i hope for a happy ending, but if *touch wood* that it ends in a bad way, hope i can get over it fast.. to all that care out there, just give me some private room, don't ask what happened, i can be very calm sitting down and write this entry, hence no worries and i know what i'm doing, thanks~~ :)