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30.10.2008 | 輾轉難眠

呢兩晚真係好痛苦, 成晚喺張床上邊輾轉難眠.. 天氣勁熱係一個因素, 工作上有點壓力係一個因素, 噚日下晝發生咗令我愕然非常嘅一件(私)事係一個因素.. 個身體其實已經好攰, 但係個腦就不停咁喺度諗嘢, 就算合埋眼叫自己唔好再諗嘢快快瞓覺, 但係個腦依然唔聽話, 搞到個心都翳住翳住.. 就係咁, 由不得自己作主, 成晚就係咁樣..

而家仲為咗噚日件事煩惱, 好想快快有個結果.. 咁當然希望係開心收場啦, 不過如果大吉利是壞收場嘅話, 希望我都可以好快渡過之後嘅低潮期.. 各位關心我嘅朋友, 麻煩畀啲私人空間我, 唔好問我究竟發生咩時, 我係心平氣和咁可以坐喺度寫嘢, 所以大家毋須擔心, 我冇事亦都好冷靜, 多謝晒~~ :)was quite suffering these two nights, could not sleep well and rolling on the bed from left to right and from right to left for the whole night.. hot weather was an issue, a little work pressure was an issue, something (personal) happened yesterday evening that shocked me by sudden was an issue.. my body was tired, and yet my mind kept thinking about things.. have told myself not to think anymore and just go to sleep, but still i was thinking and hence a little heart-ache.. just like that, unable to control myself, whole night sleepless it became..

still being haunted by what happened yesterday, hope to have an outcome soon.. of course i hope for a happy ending, but if *touch wood* that it ends in a bad way, hope i can get over it fast.. to all that care out there, just give me some private room, don't ask what happened, i can be very calm sitting down and write this entry, hence no worries and i know what i'm doing, thanks~~ :)

19 comments:

  1. Dont worry la....

    Take a deep breath.... everything will be just fine.... if you need a shoulder, i believe everyone here are willing to share it.. :D

    Is really hot at night, lucky got air cond, if not i guess i will be sleepless like you, althought i dont like air cond.

    cheers....

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  2. Breath in and breath out...

    Again.. Breath in slowly.. then slowly breath out..

    Are you feeling better now. :P

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  3. All the best, my old friend

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  4. As long as you have put in your best effort, whatever the outcome is, whether as you hoped for or otherwise...in a sense was already predestined. Either way, we always learn from the experience and grow wiser. Wish you well, sincerely...

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  5. It is just a job, 不需要把自己搞得压力太大。可以让人心烦的东西很多,但是为了工作而烦真的很不值得。希望你的难关很快就过去,然后乐也yiong yiong的写blog去。:)

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  6. william h:
    thanks for motivating me, your shoulder big enough for my big round face?? haha.. yeah, i didn't switch on aircond because it's too dry for me, so i just had the fan at full speed..

    lifebook:
    thanks!! deep breathing is always very useful to heal.. hope everything's gonna get through ASAP..

    MH Poon:
    thanks my old friend, i'll be better..

    anon:
    thanks for the good piece and witty advice, kind of enlightening.. problem is i'm still lost and really need to think and analyze which approach i should take..

    曉慧:
    不是因為工作的關係, 我早就可以把工作壓力handle得蠻好的, 是一些私人事情.. anyway, 多謝你的關心, 我還是繼續寫blog的, 有時看你的blog也有說到一些類似的心情, 覺得是一面借鏡和鼓勵..

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  7. haha....

    my shoulder is big enough to carry anything... :P

    Big round race? haha... mooncake face ar... haha... make me hungry, yum yum...

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  8. Most of the time, it seems life is as such - the more we cherish or try to hold onto something/someone, the more it/she/he tends to slip away. Only those who are in it can truly understand the utter incapacitated feeling, the confusion...and most of all - the pain (& silent tears). 就让一切随缘,顺其自然吧。该失去的,最终还是留不着的。跟自己有缘的,绕了一大圈,最后还是会得到/在一起的。(知己也好。情人也吧). In the meantime, just say a little prayer for it/her/him every day...

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  9. always think on the positive side! all the best to u... if u need any help from my end, feel free to msn or call me! :p

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  10. william h:
    wow, you sure you have a broad enough shoulder?? my face is even bigger than mooncake, call it a dinner-plate face!! LOL

    anon:
    thanks a million!! i really appreciate and get what you are trying to say.. yeah, outsiders can only give advice and comfort, it's always the one in it that gotta stand up and strive hard through the rain..

    E.T:
    thanks for the offer.. i'm not that bad, still able to live a normal life.. sure will drop you a call someday..

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  11. dinner plate!!!! wa..... no problem... sun face also no problem..
    haha

    :P

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  12. mynicole:
    係啊, 我冇事啊, 唔駛擔心..

    william h:
    warr, dinner-plate face already very bad, somemore say i sun face?? :p

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  13. 哈哈,突然间觉得女人的直觉很准,只不过我被你的惯性欺骗了。因为你从来不在你的博客中提及的自己的感情事。其实我了解你心理的挣扎,毕竟我们是血肉之躯,留着的是有感情的血。不瞒你说,我其实一直在压抑自己的感情,因为我没有办法像其他女生一样来主动出击。但在另一边心里却因为年龄,环境,面子问题等种种原因,怨恨自己的被动,但事实的背后,可能已经不是被动和主动的行为就分的清楚。老实说,有时真的痛苦到没办法形容。想找人聊,更不知道我总多朋友清单中,可以让我拿起电话来举起勇气来诉苦。在这种时刻,除了一个人郁闷,你真的还是只能选择一个人郁闷。这种郁闷,真的可以很郁闷!!

    最糟糕的是,我不知道我是因为想要有被爱被关心的感觉,还是真的很希望和谁和谁在一起。 我更分不清,是因为我在异乡,一个人努力了很久,累了,或是为了要压抑我思念之苦,却用了另一种苦去忘记自己一个人在他乡之苦。原以为这种感觉可以很短暂,却没想到自己竟然选择在上海这个城市待了这样久。

    说了这样多,除了让自己发泄一下,最重要的我希望通过我的坦白(为了你,我豁出去了! 女强人形象毁于一旦!) 来让你知道,你现在的“幸福”。哈哈,说的有点勉强,但是想告诉你的是,男生和女生的分别就是主动和被动。如果有种中原因让你不能主动,或是你在等待答案,不要急,我很喜欢你朋友Anon的留言,一切随缘。

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  14. 其實我有的, 不過也不常, 可能就是給我那些「想告訴人又不想給別人知道」的用詞和編排所慣性欺騙吧?? 哈哈.. 部落格就是抒發自己心情和想法的地方, 我覺得只要自己寫得出來, 至少算是短暫喘了口氣, 別人理解不理解不是一個問題囉..

    我了解你的情況, 知道那些很想告訴全世界宣泄, 卻難以啟齒的心情.. 想你是因為寂寞, 鬱悶, 所以渴望有人關心你.. 不過某些東西, 就算有朋友關心, 其實還是缺少了點什麼.. 是不是因為這缺少的東西?? 如果你覺得和朋友已經很開心, 沒有缺少什麼, 那可能你就只要有人陪..

    anon的留言真的很enlightening, 末強求一切隨緣吧..

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  15. :D you need to go see star and relax relax...... lets go melaka....

    hmmm.... then smaller face lo.... how about star face? :P

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  16. haha, really?? see stars on the sky can get you relaxed?? hmmm, maybe true.. but why melaka?? nicer there?? u wanna bring me there ah?? hahaha!!

    no laa, i think i am moon face!! totally the correct term for me - size and texture..

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  17. Thank you for your (& your friend 晓慧's) kind remarks on my 2 cents' worth 留言。其实也可以算是给自己的勉励吧。I felt a sense of dejavu again;and was again quite dumbfounded. Much like after reading your 02-06-2008 blog entry in the past, bcos of the uncanny similarities. And so are your friend's recent articles. Sometimes, fleetingly, I actually wondered if it is all an illusion & I was actually reading my own stories!! Anyway, have a great weekend. :)

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  18. i should thank you for leaving such enlightening comment instead, not the other way round, haha.. well, all these are actually very common things that would happen to us, they are just part and parcel of our life.. stay strong and enjoy life, you have a great weekend too.. :)

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