03.11.2008 | 無魂游蕩

已經過咗幾日, 但係嗰件事依然困擾住我.. 噚日去完gym之後, 忽然間(好撞鬼咁樣)又再諗起件事, 結果一個人喺個商場入邊, 漫無目的咁游蕩數小時之久.. 由底層逐層逐層行到頂層, 跟住再逐層逐層行返落底層, 對眼係望住前方, 但卻係心不在焉.. 如果你見到我但發現我見唔到你嘅話, 唔好意思, 我當時真係神遊緊.. :)

一個人游蕩商場嘅時候, 成個人好似行屍走肉咁毫無靈魂一直向前行, 不過個腦就猛咁喺度諗嘢.. 諗吓究竟係咩原因導致事情發生, 諗吓可以有啲咩作為能夠擺平件事, 諗吓完美收場以後會唔會再重蹈覆轍, 諗吓敗局收場要點樣處理, 諗吓要當冇事發生定係要勇敢面對, 好多好多嘢諗.. 而家事情就係模菱兩可, 完全處於灰色地帶, 冇一個明確嘅現象可見, 覺得好冇安全感好困惑.. 我係對個結果有個期望吖, 定係我喺度呃緊自己呢?? 看似這麼近, 事實卻是那麼遠..it has been few days, but yet that incident is still haunting me.. after the gym session yesterday, suddenly it came to me like an uncanny surge, and so ended up wandering aimlessly in the mall for hours.. walked floor by floor from the lower ground floor to the top floor, and then back to the lower ground floor again, my eyes were looking forward but i can tell my heart was not.. oh, if you bumped into me and found out that i didn't notice you, sorry, i was really keeping to myself then.. :)

was wandering alone in the mall, exactly like a zombie without soul that just know how to walk forward, but spinning mind kept thinking about many many things.. thought about the cause of the problem, thought about what good i can do to my best ability to resolve the issue, thought about good ending but will the problem surface again in the future, thought about bad ending and how can i cope with the fact, thought about to treat nothing has happened or to bravely face it, many many things that i was thinking about.. but still everything is so vague, it just lies inside the grey area and there is no clear sight at all.. am feeling so confused and insecure now, am i finger-crossing for the best or am i just deceiving myself?? seems so close, but actually so far away..